When You’re Overwhelmed by the Little Things

I’m not big into astrology, but it is definitely true for me that Mercury retrogrades tend to be a time of big healings.   And perhaps even more so, a time of many, many, little irritations.  So many little irritating things.

Little irritations come up a lot in my work – be it Mercury retrograde or PMS, we tend to add to the irritation a huge dose of guilt and shame, “There is so much to be grateful for, why can’t I just focus on the good?”

There is a very good reason why we can’t just not worry and be happy.

We often don’t let ourselves fully feel the big stuff. 

Think about a really hard thing you experienced as an adult.  Then think about how a toddler would have dealt with it – a toddler hopefully would have had the comforts of another human as they sobbed and screamed and flailed until they couldn’t emote anymore.  They had both the opportunity to let their body process their emotions and an adult holding space.

Now, we don’t need to scream and sob every time we don’t get a cookie, but the big things do deserve an outlet – the break ups, the deaths, the life changing accidents and illnesses.  For simplicity, I’ll leave it at such big things – but the truth is that every moment of every day, our society is very hard on our bodies and hearts.

Our adult bodies still need the big movements and breaths of emoting, but few of us are able to express so freely and even fewer have supportive people who can hold a safe space for us to sob and scream and flail.  We become shaken up bottles of kombucha (or champagne or whatever your carbonated beverage of choice is) trying desperately to keep our lids on.  Little irritations are as much about the little frustrations as they are burping off some of the pressure building up.

Our bodies are wise.  Our minds can distract us for a bit, but we can’t trick our bodies into feeling something we don’t feel.  Distraction creates further disconnect between our bodies and minds, which usually causes our nervous system to freak out, adding anxiety or depression to the mix.  There’s wisdom in our feelings – including the little irritations. 

If you’ve guessed that I’m going to say we need to feel our feelings, you’re right.  But I’m going to go deeper as for years I would try, but I couldn’t figure out what that meant.  

Feel my feelings? I would try to sit still and just think “I’m irritated” but nothing would happen.  I was better off trying to resolve the little irritations – buy a new printer, rage tweet or whip off an email off to a politician.  At least I took an action that feels like it might have a chance of minimizing the trigger.  And while each action was probably worthwhile, my heart was still hurting. 

When you’ve been raised to be a “good girl” and not get too upset or too excited or too whatever, “feeling” your feelings can be as foreign as a new language.

The good news is that unlike a foreign language you’ve never heard before – you were born knowing how to feel your feelings, but at some point you learned to suppress them. 

That suppression has been encouraged everywhere – you’re working against generations of patriarchy here, so let’s go as gently as we can. 

What you feel doesn’t have to be connected to the story that created that feeling.  You may have decades worth of anger towards your mother, but your body doesn’t care who did what or who was right or wrong.  Your body just cares that it is angry. 

When I have feelings bottled up, I turn to “art.”  Now some people like to create with their feelings, but don’t worry.  I promised you easy, so if you’re like so many of us whose sense of creativity got squashed young and you have way too much baggage around drawing and dancing and singing – it is okay.  I’ve got you.  

When my feelings are stuck, the only thing that works for me is to  watch a movie or show or maybe listen to a song that I know will stir the same emotion.  I know, I know, for 20 years I prided myself for not owning a tv – but now I’ve come to find myself streaming my way to emotional health. 

Your body doesn’t care if you are feeling rage towards your ex or Michael Scott or the Rock’s characterization of Maui.  Your body just needs a safe space to feel the rage. 

We are of the first generations where people didn’t gather regularly to sit at the feet of storytellers.  Don’t deny yourself because the stories of our times are being streamed.  There’s really poorly written stories and there are great pieces of art – but honestly, anything that gets you feeling works.  You just need to crack the valve enough to get things moving so you can flow again.

If giving yourself permission to rest and feel is hard, it is time to give yourself support.  You deserve to feel all that life has to offer.  For more about how I support women who have experienced the pain of abandonment and rejection, please visit my “Working with Me” page.