Tis The Season of Overspending

When Gift Buying Is Stressful

I love giving gifts.

There’s something truly magical about the thrill of finding the gift; that something special that says “I see who you are” and “I care about you.”

But let’s keep it real – this time of year can get extremely stressful. It’s like the season awakens our inner people-pleaser, and suddenly, we have lost ourselves.  There is nothing more distressing for our nervous systems than feeling not-ourselves.

So, let’s chat a bit about people-pleasing before we dive into the world of gift-giving and what seems inevitable over-spending.

First truth: we’re social beings. We need connections with others.  Never mind how difficult it would be to shelter and feed yourself without any help, our nervous systems need to be relating to other humans to grow and to thrive.  Being liked by others is a good thing.
 

However, the deep, meaningful connections we desire can’t be forced through people-pleasing.

“People-pleasing” is a stress response, where one strives to shape themselves into appearing into what they think another person or a community will accept and like, rather than connecting authentically.

Now, I get it. We all want our gifts to be appreciated, but there’s a difference between an expression of love and buying a gift to make the person think we have a lot of disposable income or we have good taste. 

For me, the people-pleasing struggle isn’t so much about the person receiving the gift – it’s more about me and my battle with consumerism.

Case in point: In October, I thought I was finally on top of the advent calendar game, and asked my child what type they wanted this year.   I was on the hunt for a Needoh fidget calendar, only to find that it had sold out in JULY –  cue the bad mom guilt.  Apparently good moms were on the hunt for advent calendars in JULY. 

But here’s the thing – my kid doesn’t need another 24 fidgets. They’ve got only two hands and a whole bin of fidgets already. The thought of the environmental consequences of every child getting 24 cheap toys made by poorly paid labourers in December before the post-Christmas toy mountain hits? It’s disheartening.

And then there’s that voice from my dad, grumbling about wasting hard-earned money. Not snagging the best deal means I’m a disrespectful, unloving daughter.

Limited edition toys, blind toys series, long awaited releases of toys mid December – it’s all about scarcity. Scarcity of time, resources, and money.

But here’s the truth – no one who truly loves you wants you stressed. All they want is an authentic connection with you. 

While we were mindful of having a useful advent calendar (also fidgets) last year, neither my child nor I can tell you what happened to the toys from previous years. 

So, how do we navigate the holiday shopping overwhelm?

First off, step away from those ads – they are designed to hit you in the most tender places and get you to buy without feeling.

Take a moment to get comfy and nourish yourself. Eat, hydrate, address those aches and pains, and make sure you’re warm.

Pick a person you want to gift. Imagine a few gifts that reflect who they are and what you love about them. This is just one opportunity to give – there will be many more chances. No need to go all out right now.

Now, think about how to get this gift. Does it have to be bought? If so, where? Can you find it second-hand or make it yourself? If crafting is your thing, can you afford the materials? If not, no worries – go for something store bought.

What gift feels good for you to give?

Now, hit the stores or your happy creative space, and find or make that perfect gift.

Let the experience of giving nourish and bring joy to you. After all, it should be enjoyable, right?

An Invitation

And hey, if the holiday chaos has you feeling overwhelmed or triggered, I’m here for you.

Consider this your invitation to some deeply nourishing support and a chance to heal past traumas and release the people pleasing patterns.

I’ve got space for two new clients to begin  before the year wraps up. Find more info at https://www.radicalboundaries.com/working-with-me/.

Wishing you a joyful and stress-free holiday season! 🌟