infinite potential

I made a mistake.

A few mistakes actually.  I was expecting a pretty big fat cheque to come in early March.  And, in February,  I indulged in a few nice things for kiddo and I, thinking March would be easily covered by the fat cheque.

And then one payment from January didn’t come.  And another payment delayed indefinitely.  And then I learned the big fat cheque might come in July, maybe later.  And now I’m counting quarters trying to make March happen and it is only the 2nd.

At first, when the reality set in, I panicked inside. My mind went to how will we survive, but I know how to make ends meet on a very tight budget, so it wasn’t that. 

Years ago, this would have crushed me and everything I had built.  Like so many of you, I grew up believing that love and acceptance demanded perfection.  Mistakes were just cause for rejection. Mistakes made me freak out.  

Let me share how I held myself together this time. 

Practicing Perfect Imperfection.  

I have an amazing coach who praises perfect imperfection – thank you Holly.

Bad days are rarely personal.  Bad days are life.  No amount of good decision making and planning will avoid hard days. 

Life is far too complex.  We just can not control all of the things.  No person is an island, other people’s choices and actions will affect us. 

And we are human.  Humans will make mistakes.  If we don’t make mistakes, we don’t grow. 

Every infant falls after their first step.  But not taking that step would mean never walking. 

Life isn’t math.  There isn’t a set of rules that apply to all people all of the time, rules that if you would just follow them perfectly, you would get a perfect life. 

We will never know what we like if we don’t try.  We will never know who we are if we don’t try new ways of being. 

There’s a beauty in the diversity of this existence. But we must stretch ourselves to experience all that it has to offer. 

And trying new things means we’re not going to be masterful and successful and perfect all of the time.  To be human is to make mistakes.

We live in a culture where there aren’t cracks to fall in, there’s huge freaking gaping holes.  Our systems were not designed to support our well-being or allow us to playfully try new things. 

Not keeping all of the eggs in one basket should have been a foolproof plan, but sometimes all of the baskets get stolen.  You just don’t know. 

I made a mistake.  I took a few risks and others didn’t live up to my expectations.  It is okay that I wasn’t perfect.  It is okay that I didn’t expect others’ imperfections. 

No need to add shame to this mix.  Panicking isn’t going to help me bring in the money we need right now. 

If we are bound to make mistakes, in a culture that is unforgiving of mistakes, how do we not fall into despair? 

Nothing lasts forever, not even bad days.

A universal truth that grounds me is that every moment has infinite potential.  Our human minds cannot grasp the possibilities of what good can come. 

In fact, our brains are designed to prioritize keeping us safe, not imagining good outcomes – which is a good thing.  Life has its dangers.  We deserve to be safe.

Those thoughts of all of the bad that could happen are like a mother reflexively yelling out “Be careful!” as her children are clearly fully embracing the joy of play with not so much risk involved. 

At one point or another, those thoughts have done their job and saved you and I.  Brains like safety, and will promote whatever keeps us safe by hard wiring the safest patterns in our physiology.

Sometimes we can get really stuck in these patterns – but the brain is literally goo, it can be reshaped into healthier ways of working with the right support.

We also have “higher, more evolved” parts of our brains which can appreciate that these thoughts are not the whole story. 

We will have bad days, and harsh thoughts about ourselves.

But we will have good days too.  Nothing lasts forever, even bad days. We just can’t control when and where and how.

One bad day is not a bad-days-forever sentence. 

One bad day is not a sentence for rejection. 

One bad day is just a bad day.  A chance to look for more nourishment.  A chance to learn something new.  A chance to let others enjoy being a helper.  A chance to go deeper. 

But most importantly, a bad day or a bad decade, one mistake or a million mistakes, you are still worthy of love and acceptance and rest and play. 

With Love,

Tanya

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The shift I made to this place of accepting my mistakes came from a gentle healing and retraining of my body’s reactions to stress, a service I now offer. If this article resonated with you, and you would like some support learning to love your mistakes and getting through bad days, please visit my Working with Me page.